Love is Complicated

Someone once said, never fell in love, learn to love each other.

Of all the person I know, why is your birthday same as the person I once liked before. What a coincidence. I promised myself for not doing the wrong mistake again. Never stop yourself from chasing after your dream because of a guy. I already wasted a year and I shall not dump my dream away for you. Both of you got so much in common, same birthday, same character, same height, etc. Just one big different is I knew you since I'm still 14 years old. I think I never love you, haha, is just that both of you got so many things in common that attract me to pay more attention to you. So, I must chill myself and get over it. Anyway, I do really like you as my friend who always take good care of me in a very different way. Just to let you know, I know you didn't bully me all the time. 

Hope that you got your dream body even though you are still short. Stay cute, funny, caring and all those positive characters and because yolo, please don't over do it. Okay for now, please remember me forever or not I'm gonna be in your dream hunting you. :D

19

Deleted all my previous post because I'm going to start over a new life!

Mother, there are some important facts about your daughter you need to know

1. I am a girl with high expectations like everyone had knew it

2. I will try my very best to get what i want and screw up things i don't like easily

3. I am so sorry for not studying properly in year 2014 because throughout the year, I keep thinking of changing to another uni but still I struggle myself and continued it.

4. I wanted to study oversea ever since I am still in a very young age

5. Because of that i need to restudy my pre u for this year and I decided to take taylor's canadian pre u just because it will take my 9 months away.

6. I still want to study until phd and I think you knew it since I said that when I'm still young and innocent 

7. My current gold is to study my degree which is either titled as dual degree or master depends on which country 

8. I want to finish 2 more master program which allow me to specialised in diabetes and paediatric and maybe obesity for money purposes before the age of 35 and don't worry, I will pay for it if I got the money.

9. Hopefully, I can finish my phd before the age of 40.

10. Obviously i am not making myself a study machine as I have other plan for my career so don't die young and see it.

11. I hope you are fine with it and stop bragging about imu because imu requirement is low, the students in this course have no motivation at all because of the low requirement. Most of them fail to enter their desire course and enter to this course because is a new course in malaysia but not in other country as in order to enter this course in other country, the requirement is same as to be a doctor and I want to challenge it not because of the high qualification but the culture, food and background of each people and country are different. God bless me to pass through.

12. As for brother, please don't encourage him to study straight away after spm, let him have the time to surf through all the net and he will eventually find a conclusion so he wont end up like me.

13. One more important fact which is very important or not it will have a massive impact in someone entire life, just remember one point, things you thought is the best may not be the best for others.

14. Your daughter favourite phrase since secondary is 有失必有得, there's no remorse in my dictionary

15. Tips for you to know what I will end up in the future, open a very first .... clinic in malaysia or maybe not the first as time pass, just hope that this profession don't grew so well first so I can be the very first, work in a world high class lab, be a part time lecturer, hopefully be a well known person that people look up to and as time progress, there may be more achievement that I want to achieve. Stay tuned.

16. Don't look down at your children, they're very aggressive in some sort of way which I have no idea who's gene is that and I don't know why we try so hard to be low profile. Just saying.

This whole long thingy is what I wrote in early January 2015 and i still didn't let my mom know yet. I'm such a timid girl. Is not that I'm timid only, is just that my mom is a very fierce or maybe just too serious mother or maybe some sort of others reason that I still have hard time telling her things that I want.

Well, at first I already finish my foundation in IMU and already paid for my degree's fees already. Everyone want to have my spot and everybody is so happy they got the offer letter. Unfortunately i don't feel that way, I just feel that to be successful doesn't mean you need have a oversea's university certificate. IMU is a good and to me is the best medical university in Malaysia but if the students are not really passionate in this course, is very hard for me to achieve my goals as I always need a very competitive environment to give me a huge impact and only I will really study my ass out.

Remembering when I stay in KL and only go back home once a week or two, my mom will cook all sort of food to welcome me back, that's what make me finish my foundation because to me I think my family is in Malaysia and I need them and they need me. But, as I graduate from my foundation and my degree start at August, my mom keep using the word fat to describe me and keep saying that she wants to control my diet. Her control  plan is driving me crazy and it reminds me why I leave my home and study in the city for the first time, I don't have proper meal at home at all, keep saying that I'm fat. My goodness. How I wish I have a car so that I can work. She is just being selfish wanting me to at her sight twenty four seven, work for her, no food, hell no. You will never get what you want now. I make up my mind already, hell yeah I'm going to leave and study oversea and score like hell, nothing can stop me now except money. If and only if I have the money I can pay my own fees. why on earth everything is because of money. 

Sometimes is really heartbroken for me to make a simple decision, leave or stay, suffer or enjoy, etc

Imagine I leave, my younger brother is going to leave too for sure, that time is really a very boring day for you and dad. But sometimes you have to stop earning money for a moment and enjoy your life, is not like your children will stay with you forever, we understand you are chasing after your dream since I'm in a very young age, you even see me during weekends only when I'm still not even 1 years old. Now you only see me like 3 till 5 hours a day, are you happy? Mother, sometimes you should know I have my dreams to chase to, I'm a girl with high expectations, I don't think I will have the time for you then.

To all current and future parents, what you do now really will have a massive impacts to your children. How you treat your children is how your children will treat you in future. Remember this part the most. Because I actually notice that the way I'm treating my parents is really how they treat me in the past and they are not happy, but when I try changing my attitude, is just all the past just flash back and only that moment I knew that that's how they actually treat me. Parents are children's role modal. Remember that. Sorry mother, I try but if you have a grandchildren, I will definitely treat them better than you i think or maybe the same because which parents doesn't love their children. 

Well mother, I have a lot of secrets. You never even bother to ask me and how am I suppose to tell you everything about what I feel.